Where pain and peace collide

I think there comes a point after any loss, trauma, or any life altering event, where both pain and peace take up residence in your heart. Where sadness is still a very real emotion, yet deep down there is peace and contentment. Where grief and sorrow still bring you to your knees, yet deep down there is comfort and hope. Opposite emotions living in one space. In one moment there are tears, and in the next the tears are replaced by an overwhelming sense of joy. A heart that is literally aching while at the same time feeling settled and calm. A constant longing for my son that translates into a constant longing for Jesus. This is my reality.

I read somewhere the idea that faith doesn't necessarily make our situations any less painful, but faith just keeps us from being swallowed or overtaken by our pain. I have to agree. There has not been one day since losing Chance where I haven't broken into tears. Yet even in the midst of my hurt God has given me an underlying sense of calm and overwhelming peace. I felt it the second I looked into my son's face, a moment I will never forget. I am so thankful for this balance God is gracing me with. I know in time the daily tears will cease. That one day as I crawl into bed I will stop and think back and realize no tears were shed that day. But in the meantime, he is continuing to remind me that he is strong enough and big enough and loving enough to keep moving me forward in faith and trust.