Recently I have been reflecting back on my early days of blogging. Those early days? They seem so very long ago. This little space was born in mid 2011 as a way to personally process the ups and downs of eating disorder recovery, and soon after, our desire to become pregnant with our first child. All I can say is wow, what a journey. What a roller coaster the last five years have been. So much joy and happiness, but so many questions and tears.
Riding the extreme highs and lows hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it.
This morning in my devotional on Genesis the author presented on Abraham and how sometimes the greatest faith of all is our ability to trust God's processes to get to His promises. Oh how true this is for me.
We know God's ways are good and faithful and ultimately work for our best, yet it is often in the seasons of continual waiting and watching that cause us to question God's intentions and plans.
The waiting and watching cause us to ask "God, did you really hear me?"
"Are you really working for my good? Because I am still holding out for your Promised Land and my mouth is dry and my feet are tired and I am just not sure how much longer I can walk the desert."
But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7
But getting to some of God's greatest promises require an Abraham like faith. Attaining those promises we so desire sometimes requires a lot of crying out with eyes wide open watching expectantly for God to move. And the hard part? The waiting. Yet we do not wait in our own strength. That is not a requirement of faith. In our own strength we would surely choose to reside in the desert forever.
In those early days of recovering from an eating disorder? I cried. I waited. And God heard. Micah 7:7.
In those early days of fertility treatments and all the shots and pills and blood draws and emotional turmoil? I cried. I waited. God heard. Micah 7:7.
In those early days of mothering Clara, clearly noticing something was amiss with both her physical and social development? I cried. I waited. God heard. Micah 7:7.
In physically delivering a child that was then taken from my arms to be buried in the ground? I cried. I waited. God heard. Micah 7:7.
And I would be foolish to think there will be no more tears and no more seasons where God asks me to wait and watch. The tears and the wait change based on circumstance, but our God does not. He always sees. Always hears. And always invites us to trek the valley in hopes that we walk and wait with hope through His processes for His promises on the other side.