Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Dealing with delays

**My blogging friend, Chelsea, wrote a post a while back discussing her daughter Audrey and her developmental delays. I am stealing the title "Dealing with delays" from her.** 

Clara had her 15 month well check yesterday. A little late this time around due to the pedi's jam packed schedule (hello school starting), but we fit it in nonetheless. When the nurse took us back to our room she proceeded to ask a series of questions (this is normal) relevant to an average 15 month old.

You can probably see where this is going. . . 

Nurse : Does your child say 3-5 words?
Me: No

Nurse: Does your child follow simple instructions such as "Bring me the ball?"
Me: No

Nurse: Does your child drink from a sippy cup?
Me: No

Nurse: Can your child feed, or attempt to feed, herself with a spoon?
Me: No

Nurse: Does your child point to objects in a book with one finger?
Me: No

Nurse: Does your child understand how items are used such as using, or attempting to use, a brush to brush her hair?
Me: No

Nurse: Can your child scribble with a crayon?
Me: No

Nurse: Is your child walking?
Me: No

Insert emotional meltdown on my part. That I did not see coming. 

Nurse: I'm sorry, these are just all questions I have to ask.
Me: I know and I understand. She's just really delayed so you most all of these questions will probably not apply to us.

On most days, I am strong and confident, and do not feel weighed down by the delays my sweet girl is experiencing. I guess I get used to what "our normal" is, and just learn to roll with it. But not yesterday. It hit me like a ton of bricks. During all the questioning Clara was sitting on the examination table struggling to play with some wooden puzzle game, so I suppose visually watching her struggle, coupled with hearing the questions and speaking her delays out loud were just too much.

I went home a little upset with myself that I let my emotions get the best of me. But as the day went on I keep asking myself "Why?" "Why am I so upset with myself for breaking down?"

Maybe because I thought getting emotional equals a weakness of some sort? Weakness as a mom when I need to be strong for my daughter? Not sure.

But, deep down, I know that's a lie. A lie that is easy to see now, but not so easy to distinguish in the moment. So since the events of yesterday I have been focusing on what I know to be truth.

Isaiah 43:2
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

I think this verse applies to many areas of life, outside of my family & our experience with developmental delays, does it not? Insert what you want. Insert whatever you are facing this day, and it is bound to provide a glimmer of hope. Hope in the midst of mental illness, infertility, marriage struggles, sickness, family dysfunction, financial woes, and so, so much more. 

So on days like yesterday, because I am sure they will come again, I will choose Isaiah 43:2, and remember that emotions do not make me weak, they just makes me human. And even though the flood and fire are bound to come, I have a hope that wins out, every time. 

**Now I know full well that there are parents that have it much worse. That have a much harder road to walk, maybe a lifetime worth of struggles that face their children. I am not pretending to be that parent. That said, being honest and open about our journey is the best way I know to properly process OUR reality, during this life phase.**

10 comments

  1. Amen, that doesn't make you weak at all! I know the nurse was just doing her job, but I think I would have felt just the same way you did in that moment :( don't you wish instead they could just ask you to brag on your child and have you tell them all the great things she CAN do?!

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  2. What a yucky way to start your week :( I like the idea in the blogivers' comment - Why can't the doctors and nurses just let us talk about all the cool new tricks?! Clara has come so far, and I'm sure it's difficult to sometimes remember that in the midst of day-to-day struggles. I know you're incredibly proud of her, and all of her amazing progress :)

    And I love that verse, and absolutely needed that reminder today. Thank you!

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  3. I'm so sorry, Brittnie. That must have been so hard, having to answer all of those questions. I know the nurse must have felt bad, too. :( But I'm always so encouraged by you sharing what new things Clara CAN do...and her victories are so much more hard-fought for than most...makes them even better, I think.

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  4. You continue to be a beacon of hope for others, and it's clear that you are drawing strength from a greater source. What a witness you others you have through your blog! I am constantly encouraged by what you post here, Brittnie. :)

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  5. You are so right... emotions don't make you weak, just human. You're such a wonderful mama to Clara. You are very strong, humble, patient, and willing to work in whatever ways needed to help your girl. Thanks for your encouragement today! Love you!!

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  6. Blah, so sorry for days like this and for discouraging moments that distract from how much she CAN do and how far she's come! Thanks for being honest about your struggles and encouraging at the same time- as always!

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  7. Thank you as always for sharing your real, raw journey with us. I was already teary-eyed from the beginning but then when I read the Isaiah scripture I really boo-hoo'd it up. This verse spoke directly to me for my own blegh circumstances. Thank you for being courageous to share your hurt as well as the encouraging Word. I am reading the phenomenal book The Hurt & The Healer which has been teaching me it's okay to be weak and show others weakness. Your message further inspired me to tell some girlfriends about my current turmoil which in turn opened the opportunity for them to pray for me and help ease my burden. Thank you Brittnie!

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  8. Thank you for sharing this. What a journey we're on! Thankfully Clara is beautiful and sweet, and you are patient and loving and determined and faithful! I recently read a story from someone talking about how she always encourages people to focus on what her daughter CAN do, which was a huge mind-changer for me. I can quickly list all the things that she can't do, but it's sometimes the things she can do come more slowly. Your post was a great reminder for me. I love that scripture too, it's always a good reminder that we are not alone! I don't know how I'd get through challenges without knowing that God was there. On a side note, I told my doctor that I have enough people giving Audrey evaluations so he doesn't make me fill out any evaluations, he said that it's to catch an undiagnosed problem which has obviously already been caught(: I'm so glad that we're blog friends!

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  9. {Hi, friend! Life has been busy lately and I'm really behind on my blog reading!!!}

    This is a beautiful post and I'm so thankful for your transparency. I'm so sorry that this area of life has to be a struggle for you guys, but your words and attitude are so encouraging.

    I don't really know what else to say. But anytime I read a post on Clara's development (whether it's good or tough news) it is so evident that you are an amazing mama...just the mama that Clara needs.

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  10. Doing blog catch up and just now read this and it touched my heart. I just want you to know that you are such an encouragement...I love reading about your sweet girl and your perspective and attitude towards life. I say a prayer for you guys every time I see her beautiful face pop up on my instagram! And congrats on baby girl number 2....may she be graced with those same amazing eyelashes!

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