Thanking God, Even In The Mess

"Mommy, when I get bigger, I will help you take Clara to the potty. I will always help her." - Camille

The last few days have been, well, stressful. On Monday we officially took away Clara's pull-ups. She is in underwear full-time, unless sleeping.

You might remember we attempted potty training a-year-and-a-half ago and while she was making progress and showing signs of improvement, little by little, we slipped back into old habits.

We never fully took away her pull-up in-between potty sits and because we had the cushion and convienince of the diaper, we got pretty lenient on keeping her on any type of regimented sit schedule.

Sigh.

#parentingfail

I will say though, it's quite hard to fully take the plunge into underwear when your child doesn't mind being wet or dirty and doesn't initiate and then of course, there's the nonverbal piece which throws in an additional challenge.

So here we are, five days into operation potty training round two. We are taking a slightly different approach than last time.

Her protocol (while awake), as instructed by her BCBA, for the next few weeks:
Every two minutes prompt to drink.
Every five minutes conduct a dry check. If dry give verbal praise.
Every thirty minutes - 10 minutes on the potty, 20 minutes off
*Play iPad is reserved for successful voids on the toilet only. If she has a success she gets the iPad for 5 minutes, then it goes away. She is not allowed access to the iPad at all unless a success. This will help pair her most reinforcing item with voiding on the potty. I pee on the potty, I get iPad.
*If she has an accident, we say "No wet pants," and take her immediately/swiftly to the toilet to sit and help clean herself up.

I have broken-down in tears multiple times this week. My stomach is in constant knots. This process is stressful and emotional and awakening some new feelings I haven't let myself feel in a long time. Feelings that I will likely have to revisit time and time again as Clara grows and her target milestones change.

I struggle to balance letting myself feel what I feel, but also not letting the stress rub off on the girls, and especially Clara as we take trip after trip to the restroom.

Even in the midst of the mess (literally!) God has graced me with some extraordinary sweet moments.

So I am choosing to say "Thank you, God," even in the mess of it all. (Does not always come naturally. I have to focus and actively choose way more than I'd care to admit.)

A few of those sweet moments . . .

When Camille, totally unprompted, grabbed Clara's hand to guide her into school one day.

When she then gently touched Clara's back to help her up into the doorway, just like mommy and daddy do daily.

When Camille tenderly told me, "Mommy, when I get bigger, I will help you take Clara to the potty. I will always help her." Melt me.

When Clara, after listening to Camille repeatedly sing a new song she learned in preschool, began to giggle after the last line, every. single. time.

When Clara successfully used her speech iPad (Proloquo2go app) to request toys from around the house. She is starting to differentiate between folders for home and school and it's exciting to watch!

When Clara successfully voided on the potty at school and at home several times yesterday!

Love these two and thankful for our days together, even if some of those days are spent cleaning up endless amounts of poop and pee. :) I'd be just fine if there was less of that though.