Thursday, February 11, 2016

Replacing "She Can't" with "She Can"

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of Clara's first day at Texana, her full time therapy school. It is amazing to me that another year has blown by, that my oldest babe has been attending school from 8:30am-3:00pm everyday for the last year (well, except weekends). I am constantly in awe of her strength, determination, and ability to adjust to new plans and processes.


She has grown by leaps and bounds (both physically and mentally!) and I am beyond grateful to her school, the staff, and the team at large for creating this space where kids like Clara can learn and mature and fine tune any and every skill that needs some fine tuning. I sit humbled and in awe of what they do and the genuine love and service that they pour into these kids on the daily.

Nonetheless, it is still quite easy to get caught up in all the "what ifs, she cant's, and might not evers," when thinking about Clara's development on a larger scale. After viewing a recent Instagram picture I posted of Clara walking to the car, backpack and all, after school one day, a friend commented on all the ways this picture sparked joy. I quickly turned the compliment around with "Yes, it is great she is carrying her backpack, but you know she isn't able to put it on herself. They force her to carry it."


And just like that my perspective was skewed and the tone took a turn south, from all that Clara has learned to do, to all that she cannot do.

This is so easy to do as a parent, no? Regardless if your title is special needs mom or typical mom or _____ (you fill in the blank) mom, is it far too easy to get caught up in all the negatives, while overlooking the positives. . . the blessings that have been given and dreams that have been achieved. All the ways our kids have grown and things they have accomplished. Because big or small, accomplishments matter. Regardless of how long the goal list, accomplished goals count!


So today I will focus on all the things Clara CAN do. All the ways she is overcoming obstacles and killing it at school. Like the way she is able to identify mommy and daddy, the way she is using a picture system to request various items, or the way she can now bring a fork to her mouth when prompted. I will take a look at all little, itty bitty things that she has learned over the past year that really aren't itty bitty at all.

You with me?

Let's revamp our focus and change our language and point out the blessings. Let's replace "she can't" with "she can," and joyfully embrace the gift of perfectly, imperfect progress.

10 comments

  1. I love that last picture so much! And though I have reminded myself a million times about the whole "self-fulfilling prophesy" theory of how you talk about your kids is how they end up being, but just this morning I found myself wallowing about several things they can't or don't do well enough, so thanks for another reminder!!

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  2. Couldn't agree more! Makes such a difference when you focus on the cans instead of the cants. We have seen huge progress in Eli since we made this a focus. Love her sweet pictures hope you are all well.

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  3. Couldn't agree more! Makes such a difference when you focus on the cans instead of the cants. We have seen huge progress in Eli since we made this a focus. Love her sweet pictures hope you are all well.

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  4. You're such a wonderful mom. The picture of Clara with her backpack is the sweetest.

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  5. I love those pictures!! And what a great reminder for all of us, and one I need to hear. Beautiful writing! Love you!

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  6. "She can!" Amen to that! Love this.

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  7. Love this post, friend. You are such an amazing mama to both your girls.

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  8. I totally agree about turning the compliment around. I've done that a lot with compliments about how my youngest is doing with her gross motor - although I think this is partly because I feel very few people really hear me on the issues. (Her PT in Colorado did, and I was so grateful for her!) Still, I have to remember to focus on all the things she can do and is doing! ...Especially after a morning like we had this morning...

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  9. So apparently I should begin reading posts in actual sequential order, not just top of the blog to bottom of the blog...I repeat my comment from earlier. Great post.

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  10. Grandma FrecklesMarch 03, 2016

    So very proud of our sweet love, Clara, and you and Brandon as parents for always striving to have a positive attitude just about everything. We love you all so very much and pray for you all the time. God is blessing you and will provide everything you need.

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