In a lot of ways the past four months have creeped by at a snail's pace, and in other ways the past four months have gone by in the blink of an eye. The snail's pace being the days where the pain and grief is just too much, and I feel somewhat zoned out and unable to function. The blink of an eye being the days where joy and happiness and laughter return and I feel like I can take on the world.
I have done much reading on grief and loss the past few months and it is true what they say. . . that grief is like a current. . . waves hitting and crashing hard at first with little relief and with much expectation because you can see them coming a mile away. And then slowly, over time, the waves hit farther apart and come on somewhat suddenly without expectation. You learn to ride the waves and eventually when they do hit you no longer feel like you will drown. You learn how to ride these waves with your head above water, sometimes still with tear filled eyes, but sometimes with dry eyes and a smile.
And the smile is there because He remains. He remains through the sad and happy and laughter and the unable to function moments. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Chance can attest to that, my friends.
I woke up this morning and asked the Lord "Give me a fresh word today. Please give me something new to hold onto as I go into this weekend of my son's should-have-been birthday. Reveal yourself to me so this weekend will be filled with much celebration, despite the circumstance."
And He gave me Psalm 102:25-27. . .
In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. Like clothing you will change them and they will be discarded. But you remain the same, and your years will never end.
The cradle might be empty, but our hearts are not.
Because He remains.
We have a few special things planned for our family tomorrow. I am so looking forward to sharing the day together and celebrating our son and the faithfulness of our Father. Thank you so much for the love and prayers.