"i prayed for this"

"I prayed for this."

This is a phrase I have been repeating over and over and over the past two days. I am not sure if our Vermont trip through Clara for a loop but ever since we returned she has not been acting like herself. She eats well (praise God!) followed by some good awake time, yet anytime I put her down to nap during the day/sleep during the night she screams. Not the "sweet little newborn" type of cry. We are talking the full out "If someone was walking by my house they might think I'm hurting my child" type of cry. I always first assess if she is hungry (usually not b/c she just ate), dirty/wet or needs to burp/has gas. If none of those things are an issue I put in her paci, pat her back, or pick her up for a few seconds until she is calm. Then I lay her back down. Enter the screaming. She will scream until I pick her up and then literally within 30 seconds will fall asleep on my shoulder. 30 seconds. I have to have her in a deep sleep before putting her down if I want it to last or if I ever want to sleep. So. . .

"I prayed for this."

No. I didn't pray for a screaming child and I didn't pray to cry my way throughout the day. But I did pray for a baby. And with a baby comes crying and sleepless nights and sleepless days. I knew all of this when we prayed so diligently to get pregnant. 

Regardless of the hard days and nights I will choose to always give thanks. This doesn't mean I won't cry. In fact, I might cry a lot. But I will praise God daily for my sweet baby girl. Because there are hundreds of other couples out there that are now walking the hard road of infertility. They would give anything to be in my shoes. Anything. I know this because I was once there, too. So I encourage any of you out there that greatly struggled to conceive but are now holding your sweet child. . . 

for the sake of others. . . 

please don't forget. . .  

"You prayed for this."

and 

"I prayed for this." 

We are blessed.