Creating Margin Just For Margins Sake

I haven't always prioritized rest. I haven't always prioritized saying "no." Sabbath has not always come naturally for me.

I am an enneagram nine (I think, still reading through all the types) but I have a lot of three in me as well, so the following is a muscle I've had to really work over the last several years (read: I have not always done this well because 1. I'm a people pleaser and 2. I don't like conflict . . . see number 1. Also read: Thankfully, I am a much healthier 9 now than I used to be, so respectfully stating my opinions/thoughts is not as debilitating as it used to be. ).

Here's the thing . . . It's not that I think being busy is bad or having a long to-do list is a sin, but guys, dare I say that the thing Satan uses the most to get us in a cycle of self-destruction is not drugs or alcohol or pornography but the inability to prioritize stillness*. Satan dangles a lot of really good, honorable things in front of our faces and we grab hold of all of them and pencil in way more than can logically fit in the 24 hours a day provides and then we wonder why we haven't felt peace and claim we don't know what God is up to because "He just never speaks to us." We go-go-go in the name of service (see - not bad things - all good things) all the while failing to realize we are literally crafting an idol in our own image.

I have to believe that God is up there thinking if His children would just stop for a hot minute to not only say "no," but create some purposeful margin and blank days/hours/moments in their calendars to just be (I know, right?! Gasp!), maybe they would realize He never actually stops speaking, but His beloved children just never quiet themselves long enough to hear His voice.

Creating margin for margins sake is not laziness disguised (this is an entirely different issue and I think we all know the difference) or selfishness or something to be looked down upon. I am pushing back on the highly coveted societal gold star that is "do all the things because that is what Good Christians do." Running ourselves into the ground from good deeds is not a badge of honor, it's actual insanity.

When is the last time you asked someone, "How are you?" and they replied with, "I'm so good! And rested! And stress free! I am filled-up in all the right ways and feel so connected to the Lord!" I refuse to feel guilt from others when they don't quite understand why I am saying no to such an honorable opportunity even though I have nothing on my calendar preventing me from saying yes. I am learning to say no to many good things so that I can say yes to the absolute best things He has for me. Trading good for best. This is so important whether you are an extrovert or introvert or whether you have a high capacity for activity or little. Any personality type or enneagram number can fall prey to this type of idol worship.

We all trade best for good when we don't S-T-O-P and ask Him to shut it all down and show us the way. 

Outside of my role as wife and mom I can do a few things really well, but I can't do 28 things really well. And I am going to go so far as to say after taking time to really stretch this muscle, I've been more productive and had greater impact by prioritizng and focusing on these few, best things. I would rather do a few things better than a lot of things just mediocre. But, I won't ever know what these best things are if I don't start the habit of creating space for my soul to figure it out. And I don't think it's a once-and-done-kind-of-thing. We are evolving people which means we need repeated space and quiet to make sure those best things are well, still the best things. God wants so much more from us than busy mediocrity. (Does that last sentence even work? I don't know but I'm going with it.)

Who's with me? 

#rest #Sabbath #stillness #noisacompletesentence 

*I have no actual stats or research on this thought, but I wholeheartedly believe we downplay certain idols because they look good and Christian-like and honorable, where other idols are more obviously destructive.

Camille is F-I-V-E!

My baby girl is F-I-V-E! I am pretty sure I say this year after year but man, where does the time go? This is just bananas that my youngest babe is now F-I-V-E. 

Oh man . . . where do I even start?

Camille is so loving, giving, and understanding, especially when it comes to Clara’s continual needs and care.

There’s a part in the movie “Wonder,” where Via (the older sis) makes the comment about her brother, August, with special needs. She says, “August is the Sun. Me and Mom and Dad are planets orbiting the Sun.”

I’ve blogged about it before, but that is continually on my mind  ... that one day Camille will look back and feel like her whole world, our whole world, revolved around Clara 24/7, and that just because God made her typical and independent, she got the short end of the stick.

Camille has never once complained about all the time spent at Clara’s therapies or appointments. Never once! (Others things yes, FOR SURE, but never when it comes to her sister.) We literally could not have hand-picked a better sibling for Clara. What a gift she is and what joy she brings to our family. 

While we are constantly trying to feel out the atmosphere of our home, her birthday is a natural way to show up and  tip the scale back in her direction. We’ve been celebrating big since Saturday night!

We have been filling up her love tank with a few two-on-one-dates with Mommy and Daddy (she is a major quality time girl), and expressing to her with actual words and no interuptions all the ways she makes our life better. 

Sat night - Two-on-one date to Cheesecake Factory ("Wow! This is a super fancy restaurant, like the most fanciest in the world!" - Camille) and the American Girl doll store to pick out her birthday gift. 

Sunday - The celebration continued with a playdate at the Little Gym with family and a few friends.

Monday - Another two-on-one date to visit daddy's new office downtown and eat her favorite "Chick-a-lay." 

Love you, Camille!!

You. Are. Five.

Go ahead and stop growing up! 

(A few other things I want to remember about Camille at age five . . . Her love for unicorns, princesses, mermaids, candy, mac and cheese, playdates, parties, decorating the house just because it's a random Tuesday, and taking looooooong showers. The way she continually thinks of other people, constantly crafting creations for her friends or asking how we can help make someone else happy. The way she asks Brandon every. single. night. without fail after he reads her a story, "Will you ask Mommy if she will come cuddle me?" And then when I am leaving her room how she asks me ever. single. night. without fail, "Mommy, will you turn off my lamp before you go to bed?" How she says "bideos" instead of videos and how she inserts the word "like" in her dialogue as though she is a teenager. And finally, how she refers to chapstick as "chopstick.") :-)

Looking Back to Look Ahead for 2019

It's the beginning of January, which is one of my favorite times of year.

I know, I know, I know . . . there is nothing magical or special about a new year and any one of us can make a change or goal or new focus anytime throughout the year. In fact, the mindset of "I'll just wait until January," can be damaging in a lot of ways.

BUT.

I also believe there is some real value in evaluating where you are and where you are headed. After all, you don't want to live the same year 75x and call it a life, right? Not my quote, but a powerful one.

Choosing not to evaluate (at least on some level) is choosing to be at risk of coasting through life and that, in my opinion, is where we can get into some trouble.

I read Levi Lusko's Through The Eyes of A Lion in 2018 and it was so good. As in, I filled up 15 pages in a journal with quotes I don't want to forget. One that I think still about ALL the time?

"Most people die at age 25 but aren't buried until age 75."

Drop. The. Mic.

I never want to get to that point, guys. Thus, my love affair with New Years reflections.

(I'm not saying people who don't reflect and plan and goal-set are coasting or walking around dead, but for me, that is a real possibility because I know I am at risk of coasting if I'm not careful. Just want to acknowledge that we aren't all created equal and we don't all need the same tools to live our best lives. So this is not me judging or making assumptions about others.)

ALL THAT TO SAY, I truly enjoy the act of reflecting on different life areas (I/we use Jennie Allen's New Year Dream Guide - highly recommend!) and taking time to re-set my focus, mindset, and possibly even craft a few goals for the year. I love looking back to see what worked in each area, what didn't work, and how to practically make improvements in each.

Lots of Clara love last year, per usual. 2018 was a crazy year of potty training Clara (still working on it, long way to go but she has come SO far), advocacy work both at a local and state level, but also a sweet and FUN year watching the girls deepen their relationship and grow/mature as individuals.
Brandon and I also snuck in a few weekends away which was so nice!

Here is where I was at the beginning of 2018.

My themes for 2018 were the following. . . 

• Dwell - in His presence, thoughts of gratitude/of Him
• Quiet - less noise/inputs, more prayer which leads to a steady mind
• Rest - physical and mental
• Flow - what flows through my mind comes out of my heart/attitudes/actions

I worked really hard on my mindset all year (dwelling on the right things to truly rest) and it paid off, for sure. I even got a tattoo on Mother's Day as a reminder to always dwell on Jesus, the only source of real rest, and not my circumstances. But I still have a long way to go.

Yep! My tattoo artist came to my house!
And no, it didn't hurt as bad as I expected and yes, I would get another one. :)

So where is my focus for 2019?

I read something by Sarah Young in Jesus Calling a few months ago stating that Jesus longs for us to "live within the boundaries of today." Really, this builds on the idea of dwelling well and is a continuation of the same idea.

Learn to live within the boundaries of today. 

What does this really mean for me?

Not rehashing the past. Not rehashing people's past choices or hurts projected onto me or past annoyances and misunderstandings. Not constantly going backwards in my mind.

This also means not projecting hurts or situations or conversations into the future that haven't even happened yet (Am I the only crazy person who does this?? I will literally play out entire situations in my mind and what I will say and what they might say and how I will respond once again. OMGOSH.).

Learning to live within the boundaries of today not only heightens my joy in the moment, but goodness, it allows me to enjoy moments, people, places that I might not otherwise.

I am listing out some practical goals (like learning to use the darn curling rod I got three years ago and refraining from acting like a five year old when it takes longer than two minutes to learn said skill) and things I want to continue into 2019, but learning this skill is the overarching theme.

Learn to live within the boundaries of today. 

 . . . 

What about you? What are you focusing on in 2019? Do you set a lot of goals or just one big one? Choose one word? Pick a theme? Not into goals at all? I'd love to hear. 

Disney World Vacation 2018

Two days after Christmas we headed to Disney World for several days with my extended family. I will admit that I was nervous going into the trip, not knowing how Clara would do with the crowds and potty training and the likelihood of sensory over-stimulation.

She. Did. So. Well.

Was the trip perfect? No. But did she exceed our expectations in every way? Y.E.S.

She was a rockstar and not only did she survive Disney, she thrived and had fun!

This trip was a great reminder that you might assume something would be too much for your kid, but you never truly know until you try. Had we passed on this opportunity, I would not have the memories of Clara's grinning face while flying through the air on Dumbo.

As long as Clara had her headphones and typical comfort items during the day (iPad, light-up toys, strings to twiddle), she did great! She had zero pee accidents and went in the family restrooms successfully during the park days. Only one BM accident (only pooped once PTL) and thankfully, that occurred in our hotel room.

Camille was completely taken by the magic of it all and it was so fun to watch her expressions of joy. Each and every moment was "her favorite!"

Day one was spent at Magic Kingdom. Day two a free day at the resort to swim and relax. Day three was spent at Hollywood Studios.

If you are heading to Disney World and you are a parent of a child with special needs or disabilities, you must take advantage of their disability access service. Clara's stroller was tagged as a wheelchair so we were able to push her right up to each ride, and the stroller was waiting for her immediately when the ride was over. This was a lifesaver and total game-changer.

Another perk to their disability access service? You don't have to wait in line. No, you don't get to walk right on any ride, but they will give you a return time to walk on instead of waiting in line. So say a wait time for a ride is 60 minutes, they give you a return time of 50 minutes and then you walk right through the fast pass line. AMAZING and again, game-changer for Clara's overall experience.

A few A million pictures from our trip . . .

Chef Mickey's for dinner on our first night was a great way to ease into the trip after a super early morning and a day of traveling . . .

Magic Kingdom on our first full day. . .

Although a bit loud, the "It's A Small World"
 ride stole the girls hearts with all the details, lights, and movements. 

Clara was gifted these monkey noodles (pink rubber thing in pic) for Christmas from my sister, Ashley, and it was the MOST PERFECT GIFT to keep Clara's hands busy during the day.

We all rode the Barncoaster ride together! The girls first "fast" rollercoaster. They didn't love it (don't know until you try) and at the end, as we were waiting for our car to pull back in to unload, Clara threw an epic fit! It was quite stressful and she even lost a shoe over the side of the car in the process. But, Disney gave us a voucher for new shoes!
(For the record, my dad, who was riding with Clara, said that when the ride started Clara totally relaxed and smiled the entire time. So . . .  who knows what triggered the fit at the end.)

Camille got to play the part of Chip during "Enchanted Tales with Belle," and her world was MADE. 

Look at that smile behind her Chip poster. 

Again, look at that face! 

Dumbo was her FAV!

We ended the day watching Elsa turn Cinderella's castle to ice! 

Rides not pictured that were a hit: Peter Pan & Winnie The Pooh.

Hollywood Studios . . .

Group pic! All 17 of us. 

Sophia The First was the only character that truly got Clara's attention. Clara was GRINNING SO BIG and kept looking back to smile at her!! 

Clara used her iPad during the Frozen show to tell us "I want to go for a walk." Huge!
This is what school has been teaching her to do when she needs a break, before she becomes overwhelmed.
Basically, instead of throwing a tantrum you can ask to be excused. SUCCESS!

This pic makes me laugh so hard. Clara snuggled up to this random man on a bus ride on our way to Disney Springs. She fell asleep and the man was so sweet to not make me move her. :)

Video above is from the Disney Jr. Dance Party. So much fun! 

Disney World, we hope to visit you again in the future! Thanks for being so disability friendly and for making all of my soon-to-be-five-year-olds dreams come true! What a memorable way to ring in 2019!