He Who Dwells Rests (aka My Mother's Day Tattoo)

 “Jesus saved my soul, but His word saved my mind.” - Christine Caine

 “The mind feasts on what it focuses on.” - Lysa TerKeurst

If I’m being honest, my greatest struggle is controlling my thoughts, my mind constantly on overdrive from anything and everything. Obsessions, replaying events and conversations, whether it be things I can control or those things I cannot. My mind never stops.  

At the end of last year God was so gracious to reveal Psalm 91:1 in new light. “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” And it hit me. He who dwells rests. My ability to control my mind directly effects the level of mental rest I experience. I’m in control. I get to choose! This is so important to note... My ability rest is my own choice.

Am I dwelling on God’s word and His promises and His past faithfulness? Or am I dwelling on my circumstances, other people and their lives and their choices, or anything else that ultimately is draining my energy and my joy? The former brings rest. The later just a never ending road to exhaustion. 

Twenty years from now will I regret inking up my wrist? Who knows. I also realize that getting a tattoo will not magically make all of my issues disappear. I am not a robot after all. I am a human with real emotions and real flaws. However, I can say with full certainty that I have never once regretted purposefully engaging the promises of scripture. And it’s pretty hard not to engage with permanent ink on your dominant hand. 

He who dwells rests.

Rest, both physical and mental is a choice, regardless of circumstances and regardless of what’s going on around me. Going all in. Who’s with me?

Also, a tattoo artist who loves Jesus (and comes to your house!!) and prays over you before she begins her work? Pretty awesome. Thank you Kiren, @Thecaptivatedcanvas! Your work was the icing on my cake this Mother's Day. 

When Mother's Day Feels Different

Mother's Day is around the corner and I know, for some of you, your heart is dancing between joy and sadness, peace and questioning, contentment and longing.

For some of you, Mother's Day has a way of making you feel a bit off. A bit different. It can be a day of  many mixed emotions.

Some of you are missing your own mother. Wishing she was by your side, journeying life with you, but for whatever reason, be it distance or estrangement or death, she is not.

I understand this pain.

I said goodbye to my biological mother as a young child. Her life taken by Lupus. And while I am blessed and thankful to have a mother via re-marriage and adoption, one who has raised me well and helped fill the gap, there is a tiny piece of my heart missing.

Some of you are aching for a child who preceded you to heaven. A little one born too soon by miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. Or maybe you lost an adult child. You are wishing he or she was celebrating with you today, but they are not, and you feel a bit incomplete on this day because instead of embracing them in a hug today you are visiting their gravesite.

I understand this pain.

Our story includes a miscarriage at two months pregnant and a miscarriage/stillbirth at five months pregnant.  I have a son who lives in heaven and who I still think about on a daily basis. And while I am thankful for my two earthly daughters, they will never replace my son who I carried for five months and held in my arms for five hours.

Some of you are longing for a child to call your own. You are walking the road of infertility and feel a bit lost on this day. You long to be a mama and this day is just one more reminder of an unfulfilled prayer and dream. You watch as other mothers are celebrated and while you rejoice with them, your heart hurts.

I understand this pain.

Infertility was my story for a short time. I cannot pretend to know what it is like to walk this road endlessly, but I do remember the lows and disapointments that come with endless doctor's appointments, hormone shots, blood draws, and canceled/failed cycles.

However you are feeling on this Mother's Day, give yourself permission to feel it.

Cry if you need to cry. Skip out on events if it feels like too much. There is grace upon grace for days like this one. You don't have to hold it together. You don't have to fake it. You don't have to live up to any expectations on this day. Your sadness is not ungratefulness, dear one. Your tears are not flowing from a faithless heart. You are human with human emotions and God understands your hurt and hurts with you.

But if you feel the urge to laugh, laugh. Attend an event that brings joy and life. You have permission to live fully and joyfully and with open arms. This is the abundant life that Jesus offers, despite our circumstances, so if you feel the smile come this Mother's Day, grab it and hold tight. This is God's good gift to you. Refuse to feel guilt when the laughter comes, dear one. Laughter does not equal forgetfulness. Your mother or child or longing will never be forgotten.

A few verses to meditate on if this Mother's Day feels different for you . . . 

Now you've got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I'm on the right way. Psalm 16:11

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy. Psalm 30:11

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1

I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1-2 

God, the one and only - I'll wait as long as he says, everything I hope for comes from him, so why not? He's solid rock under my feet. Psalm 62: 5-6 MSG

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Psalm 68:19

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Psalm 116:7

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. Psalm 130:5 

Much love to you all this Mother's Day. 

For the woman who needs some extra encouragement on this Mother's Day . . .

Missing your baby on Mother's Day
To the Miscarriage Mamas on Mother's Day - "Dear miscarriage mamas, this Mother’s Day, I pray that you honor it as you need. That might mean hiding under the covers, tear streaked. It might mean putting on a pretty face at church or a family gathering, and screaming in the shower later in the day. It might mean accepting sweet misspelled cards made by tiny fingers, and still giving yourself permission to feel that pinch of grief mingled with great joy. It might mean visiting a grave site. Mother’s Day is about celebrating life and life givers. I think for us, the miscarriage mamas, who hold this day with interweaving and complicated emotions, we have a piercing reminder that today we can also celebrate the ultimate life giver – the one who ravaged death and will someday make all the sad things come untrue."
5 Things to Remember This Mother's Day
Sweet child's video to all mother's who have experienced pregnancy loss

Missing your mama on Mother's Day
When You Still Need Your Mom and She's Not There Anymore

Extra encouragement for moms on Mother's Day
For the Mom Who Doesn't Feel Good Enough

Mother's Day is always a bitter sweet day for me. Losing a mom at a young age and losing a son to stillbirth makes this day feel, well, a bit different. Much like the first article, it is a day that might always mix great joy with a pinch of grief. So my prayer for all of us today is this . . . Whether you are a woman who longs for a child, a woman who has recently lost a child or a mama,  or a woman who feels abundantly blessed but a bit lost with a house full of littles, may you turn your ears to Him on this day, this Mother's Day. May you get still and feel His presence and let it pierce deep. He is there, waiting for you. He is ready to bless you with His gentle whispers. Even today. On Mother's Day. Blessings to you all.