Acting your way into feeling

Last week I flipped the page of my Dayspring (in)courage Daybrightener and read the following. . .

This was a huge realization in my ED recovery process. HUGE.

I had to act my way into feeling, rather than waiting for the feeling to show up first. 

Let me put it plain and clear. . .

If you are in the midst of an eating disorder, and are just waiting on those warm and fuzzy feelings to come before you take that first or next step into recovery, let me assure you, they won't. 

Because our feelings trick and manipulate us. Big time. Over and over and over again. Thank you, Satan.

You will never feel like gaining those first few pounds.

You will never wake up one day and just feel like putting away the measuring cups.

You will never be standing in front of the dairy section and joyfully choose the 2% milk, over the skim.

You will never feel excited about boxing up your size 00 jeans and dropping them off at Goodwill.

You will never feel giddy about ordering that burger and fries.

If you buy into the lie that one day you'll wake up and say "I'm so happy that today is the day I am going to enjoy eating a DQ Blizzard," you will never, ever again, enjoy a DQ Blizzard. You must decide to take the first bite, and then another bite, and then another bite, and then eventually, you will come to enjoy it. 

But not at first.

It takes time.

It is a process.

So don't expect to feel good after the first bite of that blizzard. Because you won't. You will feel like you want to scream and cry and wallow in feelings of overwhelming guilt. But stick with it. Because eventually your feelings will change. Eventually you will get there. And eventually. . . you will be the one suggesting that a double fudge cookie dough blizzard is necessary on a lazy Saturday afternoon, just because.

And eventually. . .

You will love every. single. bite.