Readers Request. . . When is it appropriate to comment on possible eating disorder or pregnancy loss?

I recently had a reader comment on my What Not To Say post, posing the following question. . .

"When are you close enough or when are you not close enough to someone to ask/to comment/...about their difficulties or their loss. Unless it's crystal clear to me, if the person themselve did not let me know about their difficulty or loss, I normally do not comment. And I don't know if I am acting correctly...I am a very reserved person and it really hurts me when people comment, even when they celebrate things for me if I don't feel them close. I don't like that they know and even less that they feel close enough to share with me. Am I a weirdo?... Could you share your experience on this topic? I would like to learn."

Before I attempt to tackle this question, I thought I would open up the floor. What do you think?

What is your opinion on this sensitive topic(s)?

At what point are you close enough to someone to discuss or bring up these issues?

How do you decide what to say & when, or when to hold your tongue?

8 comments

the blogiversJanuary 28, 2013
I think it totally depends on the person you are dealing with - if they are open, regardless of how close you are, be there for them to listen and to talk. If they are more reserved, don't push it. Interested to hear what others think!
Z@KickingKilosJanuary 28, 2013
Thats a very good advice by bloggivers and my thoughts as well.
Hey Brittanie new to your blog.
The JoinersJanuary 28, 2013
Ditto to what Allison said... I often make the mistake of assuming that since I am open and often want people to reach out to me, that other people want the same, and unfortunately I've found that isn't always true! So I definitely think it's dependent upon the person!
marieJanuary 28, 2013
My sister lost a son at 2 to a drowning accident. What I learned from her is that it's better to just tell the person who is in so much grief how sorry you are. Don't try and justify God's will or tell them how lucky they are to have other children. Just be sincere and keep it brief.

LeireJanuary 29, 2013
Thanks for bringing up this topic and opening it to your readers. Thanks to all of you for letting me grow and learn from you.
SaraJanuary 29, 2013
I don't have an ED and have never been pregnant but I love this blog because it really helps me empathize and connect with the loved ones in my life who are (or have been) there. So, I too join the crowd in saying thank you for raising this topic and I appreciate you all sharing your perspectives.
UnknownJanuary 29, 2013
I have found that there are times when God leads me to talk to someone about a sensitive issue even when I am unsure if that is what I should do. As with consulting God on any topic, I try very hard to discern what He is telling me to do. I want to make sure that He is giving me direction, and I am not just approaching the person based on my desire to help alone. More times than not, when I seek His will for the situation, and then put myself out there, He is faithful to bless it.

Kelly
SallyJanuary 31, 2013
Depends on the person.

Sometimes people just need a simple "is everything okay?" or a really generic lead-in for them to open up...

It's a touchy subject and hard to arrive at one answer.