Dear PIO

Dear Progesterone In Oil,
Oh how I loathe you. From day one you have not been nice to me. Here I am asking for your help and you just laugh in my face. The nurses warned me about you. Oh yes they told me you would be painful, cause my bottom to swell, turn red and form welts the size of large strawberries. You might think it is funny that you cause me to walk like an 80 year old woman but really it's not. I hate to sit down because your after effects never. go. away. You are like the mean girls I avoided in middle school. I bet you are secretly talking to them (you know who they are!) and informing them of your tortuous ways.  Follistim was a lot cooler than you and I mean this literally. You make me sweat especially at night while I am wide awake from your insomnia inducing ways. Why do you have to be so thick and why is your needle seriously two inches long? That is totally unnecessary. I say this in the love of Jesus but you totally suck. Just being honest. Why cannot I inject you in my thigh or area of my butt that has some extra skin??? Seriously the intramuscular portion of my booty was a bad call on your part. Who wants to shoot themselves in their booty muscle? Enough said. 


Regardless of our relationship the past eleven days I will not give up on you. Deep down I know your heart is good and you are just trying to support me and my goals of motherhood. So because of this I will not post crazy U tube videos of myself injecting you. Yes you should take a look online because there are some crazies out there that actually video themselves shooting their booty up for the world to see. Who does that? Instead I will continue to stick out our friendship day after day. I won't ever leave you waiting so you don't have to worry about me standing you up. I will be there at 9:00pm every. single. night or until Dr. Gill tells me otherwise. See you in T minus 5 minutes. 


Love, 
Brittnie  

Yes this is the actual size of the PIO needle. This is not my actual finger.
Thanks google image.

Another comparion. Fun times. 

What the Blackburn kitchen looks like on any given night. Yes we look like druggies. 

Visual encouragement

 I want to share our recent decor addition to our master bedroom. I have wanted to add something to spruce up our walls, for a long while now, but just have never known what exactly to put in the space. And let's face it. I am challenged in all things interior design or anything that involves using the creative part of my brain. 

Just ask Brandon, my mom or really anyone who knows me well. Someone will try to describe this perfect decorating idea or tidbit and I will just stare back like a deer in headlights. Then after about 15 different descriptions in order to help me "get it," I start to shake my head in agreement, or perhaps change up my facial expression, although really I have no clue what they are talking about. 

Thanks, dad for not passing down your creative gene.  

Anyway, one day I was browsing the internet, looking for inspiration, and found this awesome site. 

I then saw this Jeremiah 29:11 decal and new I hit jackpot. I started to get excited as, for once, this was 100% my idea and my find! I knew exactly where I wanted it to go and promptly ordered it online. There is an empty space of wall to the left side of our night table that can be seen as soon as you turn the hallway and start walking the direction to our bedroom.  

The decal came in last week and we hung it Friday evening. The process took three hours but that is another story for another day.

 (Side note - Everyone please tell Brandon how much you like it as he swore to me Friday night, after he developed several blisters from rubbing each individual letter so long, that we will never be hanging a decal in our house again...end of discussion. Little does he know I have already been searching for a super cute decal for a future nursery...shhhh... don't tell.)

I love that each time I walk towards my bedroom I will stare at this piece of visual encouragement. Multiple times each day I will be greeted with this reminder of hope which in turn provides my heart with peace. Whether it be related to my fertility journey, ED recovery, or some other issue on my heart on any given day, I can be still and know that His plan is perfect. 

He knows what is best and He wants nothing more than to shower his blessings on each of his children. On me. On you. And the cool part...each day this promise remains unchanged. The challenges we face in life are not God's secret attempts to hurt us or bring us pain. That doesn't mean we won't hurt b/c He guarantees that we will. But He doesn't leave us us to fight or grieve alone. 

He is right there, holding our hand, and each day brings us the promise of Jeremiah 29:11. 

Guinea pig

Apparently I am the guinea pig at my fertility clinic. Yes you read that right. Any time the nurses are training someone new they always choose my appointment as the training opportunity. Maybe they think I am just nice and won't get annoyed but seriously. So today I am sitting in the room waiting for my ultrasound and in walks two nurses (um red flag!) and nurse #1 (my usual nurse) says "Hi Ms. Britt. You are our guinea pig today!" Oh great. Here we go again. Apparently nurse #2 (new girl) is learning how to use the ultrasound machine. I will spare you the details but just imagine having to lay there (freezing b/c you are half dressed) while they chat back and forth about how to use the wand (it is already in use if you get my drift) and how to get the best image on the screen. The fun continues as it takes 5 minutes to find my uterus, 5 more minutes to find my right ovary and 5 more minutes to find my left ovary. Oh and then she has to measure my uterine lining. Another 5 minutes. And of all days their restrooms are out of order so my bladder is beyond full. The wand action is not helping the bladder situation. Awesome. Once nurse #2 captures all images needed for the doctor she says cheerfully "All done!" as if it took two seconds. 


I then ask about a new medication I will be starting soon & how exactly it works. Nurse #1 says "Oh I can show you right now." Sounds like a plan to me. She then tells me to me stand up, turn around (remember I am still 1/2 dressed) and proceeds to draw two large circles on my booty with black sharpie showing exactly where I will administer the medication. Double awesome. As the guinea pig I was fully expecting her to ask me to model her drawings for other patients so that they too can benefit from this visual reference point. But alas she did not. So eventually I get dressed with my new & improved bulls eye booty, sprint to the nearest working restroom and eventually make my way to work for the day. Never a dull moment for this guinea pig...never a dull moment. 

This is me. 

Real Women...

• Are not perfect
• Eat when they are hungry
• Love, laugh, sing and dance
• Thank their body for what it can do, not attack it for what it may lack
• Are not defined by the scale
• Embrace their bodies - flaws and all
• Take risks
• Try, fail and try again 
• Do not compare themselves to celebrities and skewed media images  
• Stand up to their fears
• Get messy 
• Honor their bodies
• Are willing to say yes but are also willing to say no 
• Eat dessert (hello full fat Blue Bell)
• Strive for balance
• Tell ED (or any unhealthy voice) to shove it 
• Go to therapy
• Ask for help
• Serve others
• Show kindness to others but realize they cannot please everyone, all the time 
• Embrace life
• Reflect on past mistakes 
• Realize they are worth more than a jean size
• Eat carbs..yummy delicious carbs (Carrabba's anyone?)
• Pray for healing
• Put the measuring cups away 
• Find joy in their imperfections
• Share their struggles
• Give up control (or as many say "Let Go and Let God")
• Experiment with their food
• Pray, watch, listen and pray some more  
• Enjoy eating out
• Exercise for health, not just calorie burn
• Have curves (bye bye middle school bod)
• Call their family
• Are not threatened by constructive criticism 
• Call their friends
• Give themselves permission to relax  
• Realize that life would be pretty darn boring if we all were exact replicas of each other
• Are a work in progress
• Encourage others 
• Laugh at themselves
• Take time to slow down and enjoy little moments 
• Love Jesus 

The list above was originally developed during my initial ED recovery although over time I have added "real women" thoughts that I find encouraging. 

Based on your life experiences, what would you add to this list? 

Please do share in the comments. 

Enjoy your weekend! 

Midlife Eating Disorders

A common misconception in society, I believe, is that eating disorders typically only impact young, pre teen or teenage females. Many people assume that eating disorders are a "high school" issue. This was not my story. I did not begin to struggle with anorexia until my early-mid 20's. Yet it doesn't stop here. Growing research shows that eating disorders effect woman (and men) of all ages. People in their 30's, 40's and 50's are being treated by nutritionists, therapists and in/out patient rehabilitation programs. 

We are the real deal is a website that strives to speak out boldly on issues such as eating disorders, body image, self esteem, society's distorted view of beauty and overall health and wellness. While I have not read each and every post (and thus cannot endorse every view presented) I think they do an awesome job of speaking out when many chose to ignore or be silent. We are the real deal  recently posted a video clip from the Today show titled "Women's midlife crisis - eating disorders." The video is below. I find this information interesting and the clip bring awareness to (what I think is) a very important topic. 

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Does this information surprise you? 

Why or why not?

Circle of Life

Grandma Trudie with a few of her grandchildren

Some of you know that my Grandma Trudie has been suffering from pancreatic cancer for the past 1.5 years. Through it all she has been nothing but positive about the diagnosis and, up until a few months ago, could still run circles around me and the other grandchildren. Seriously... she would walk out of chemo (beat everyone to the car!!!) and then go on with her day shopping, cooking or helping my mom with various tasks. Her attitude and energetic spirit is contagious & she is leaving an amazing legacy. Her health has recently taken a turn for the worse. We do not expect her to live much longer. She is now at her home with hospice care.

I was so blessed to spend this past weekend with her. This picture is how I will always remember my Grandma Trudie. Here she is literally not knowing how much longer she might live but she has a smile plastered all over that cute face. She is amazing. She is God fearing. She will be missed but she will live on. Her legacy continues. I will do my part to continue it. And I know that while we will be separated for a short while we will most definitely see each other again. 


Please call your family today and tell them how much you love them!! While not all of us are suffering from cancer or a serious illness one thing in life is certain...we are not promised tomorrow. Each new day is a blessing from the Creator. The Creator of life. Soon my Grandma Trudie will get to meet Him. Oh what a glorious day!!! If you know Trudie well you will probably agree that she will be the life of the party up there. Don't have too much fun without us Grandma!! And always know that "I love you the morest!!" (Trudie's favorite saying)


*Update 8/7/11: My Grandma Trudie passed away at approximately 4:00am today, August 7, 2011. She passed peacefully into the arms of Jesus with absolutely no pain or distress. Thank you all for your continued love and prayers on behalf of my family & Grandma during this time. We appreciate it so very much!*